The Bathroom Rant

TMI WARNING!
I have never in my life been a terribly high-maintenance girl. Generally getting prepped to go somewhere doesn't take me long. I don't wear make up, or use a lot of products, or even put on much jewelry these days. However, this past week has been the most bathroom-intensive of my life. I read that it was sort of a pain in the ass postpartum (pun intended!) but I couldn't have expected the step-by-step process that a simple pee break now requires.
In the morning I start off by prepping a pile of pads with witch hazel and then freezing them. So my first step is to hit the freezer and grab a cold compress pad. Then up the stairs to the bathroom, where I run the tap and fill the perineum bottle with warm water and a few drops of lavender oil. I then tear off a square of nori and run that under the hot water and set it aside.
Finally it's actually time to go; I've made the mistake several times of waiting too long and having to dance around at the sink while I prep everything. It hurts still, so I have to breathe through it and try hard to relax and not push, which only makes the burn worse. While I'm doing that I change out the pads. Then I take the bottle of warm water and spray everything down, which fortunately feels pretty good. Then I've got to dab-dry everything off, which is easier to do standing. I hit myself with the Earth Mamma/Angel Baby "New Momma Bottom Spray" (a wonderful combo of cucumber, peppermint, witch hazel, etc. with nice cooling and healing properties). Finally I set the nori strip over the site of the stitches, get my pants up, and set the pad carefully - the cold witch hazel feels really great, especially now that the nori guards the tender spots.
I've gotten better at the whole production, so much so that Russell was impressed I finished it up after only about five minutes. Still though, what a piece of work. And that's not even considering what taking a shower is like, which includes that same rigmarole plus skin care for the stretch marks and getting my hair braided and out of my way...
Postpartum fun continues!